EPILOGUE


ALEC



Asphyxiated after sewing himself into Shanna's mattress in an attempt to "score".


SHANNA



Estranged third wife of Jughead. Made herself barren in an attempt to destroy their unborn love child with the antenna of a cordless phone.


BIG JIM



Died in what he thought was Vietnam. It was really the woods behind a Vietnamese restaurant.


TOMMY



Like all redheads, after being found guilty he was executed and his body was processed into prison soap.


BOBBY



Started his own X-Treme Christian Youth group based on the teachings of Tony Hawk.


DR. CLAYTON DRUGS



Now teaching Freebasing 101 at Addiction Community College, and moderator of "Goons with Spoons" on the Something Awful Forums.

– Bob "BobServo" Mackey

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.