Everywhere I look I see babies.
"I don't want to cause you nice ladies and feminine men any unecessary worrying or potential comedy, but I fear that I may not be around to write my update next week on this site. You see, I have recently enlisted myself into the United States of America's Operation TIPS program, an organization dedicated to preventing our great nation of ours from falling into the hands of nefarious terrorist organizations, or worse yet, liberals. If you've been hiding in a concrete bunker and have been afraid to turn on your shortwave radio out of fear that Osama Bin Laden has found a way to convert himself into pure electricity and now has the ability to travel through electrical outlets like Mitch Pileggi in Wes Craven's "Shocker," let me copy and paste a chunk of patriotic goodness from the Operation TIPS website:Operation TIPS, administered by the U.S. Department of Justice and developed in partnership with several other federal agencies, is one of the five component programs of the Citizen Corps. Operation TIPS will be a national system for reporting suspicious, and potentially terrorist-related activity. The program will involve the millions of American workers who, in the daily course of their work, are in a unique position to see potentially unusual or suspicious activity in public places.
The government requested that I join their Operation TIPS program after I spent 29 consecutive days chained to a safe deposit box in the downtown Seattle Post Office, screaming "I want to be a part of Operation TIPS! I want to be able to report terrorist activity! If you don't let me be part of Operation TIPS, I'm going to blow us all to hell!" They eventually allowed me into their exclusive organization and gave me a gold-colored sticker that reads "SHERIFF," although the "-IFF" part is kind of washed out. After a few days of ...Ggg-- Ggghh-- GHGGHHHhhhhh... GHHHHHHRRRRAAaaAAAa AAAAAuuuughghghghgghghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!"
You know how this sign says "DEAD End?" Well, Rich is dead, too.
...I am sorry to have to tell you all this, but Rich was unfortunately killed in a freak accident involving a bottle of vinegar, a turtle shell, and a warm spoon, so he will unfortunately not be completing the above update for today.
This is good for you because if he were updating you wouldn't be able to understand anything he would say. You see, he is dead, and he can't talk, being as he is also recently deceased and additionally no longer alive. If I squeezed him to try to to get him to talk, a whole lot of guts and stuff would squirt all over the place and the most you'd hear is a sort of wheezing or gurgling noise. He is also unable to type anything worthwhile because he can't move his arms. I could animate his hands for him and bang them on the keyboard to produce something humorous, but it'd most likely end up like the drivel-filled updates he usually writes, so there is not much point in doing this. It also falls to me to discover why he saw fit to type out variations of "Aaagh" when he was supposedly dying.
Anyway, as a result of Rich "Cheddar" Kyanka's untimely yet much anticipated demise, you get Zack's tasty Hentai review and an Awful Link. Before you start complaining, just understand that you are lucky to even be getting that much seeing as I must soon join Rich in the grave in accordance with the blood pact we made on January 21st of this year.
Stripping Her Way Through Time!
Zack here, bringing you only the worst Hentai games (all of them) that Japan has to offer. This week it's "Time Stripper Mako", a game about time travel, romance, and a foot-long clitoris.
In another eye opening sequence you catch your ex-girlfriend having sex with Nonn in the library, and her terrible secret is revealed. No, the giant clitoris is gone, this time you discover that your girlfriend is an android who is filled with white fluid instead of blood. Nonn brutally impales her crotch on a dildo and roughly three gallons of bizarre white android juices pour out over the library carpet. Yes, the mystery blue liquid that coats girl's thighs down to their knees and falls to the ground from their crotches like a waterfall has been upgraded to "a bucket of milk" in Time Stripper Mako.
Sounds like another review that's fun for the whole family! Be sure to e-mail me all of your goddamn requests for this game, because I enjoy receiving them and immediately moving them to my deleted items folder! In the breaks between e-mailing me requests for Hentai games feel free to read the review!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.