Time to observe some anime fauna to get a feel for how to act. I learn one trick early on: just act cool. Look at these guys scowling at the anime wares. They're totally over it. Princess Peach is like three feet away from them, but they don't even bat an eye. I must restrain my emotions and stay stone-faced in the presence of these boundless wonders.
Just be cool. He's got all these big fucking amazing swords, but I have to roll with it and pretend like nothing special is going on. They'll know I'm not one of them if I betray the merest hint of fright or awe. Who is this man with the giant sword? What complex emotions carry him into battle? Looking at this photo now, I'm deeply affected by his fawn-like gaze, full of mystery and sadness. Just a frail boy, called to fight a man's war…
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, it is like the entire Mario Brothers gang, and they're all here next to me. Just play it cool, Dave, you don't want to look like a tourist. Standing with the whole Nintendo gang is totally normal. Don't freak out. You have no idea how hard I want to hug Mario right now, just hug him and weep and tell him what he means to me.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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