Hey minks, we're going to go ahead and take your pelts, because we use them to make awesome luxurious stoles and you're just using them to be gross horny pond weasels.


I had more sympathy when I thought they were part of the raccoon family--just too big and precious to make it as raccoons! Then I found out they're bears after all, and they have no excuse. No excuse.


How do skunks even stand each other long enough to mate? Not even Pepé LePew could get any action, and he was the mack.


Sure, falcons are pretty majestic, but they're also S&M gimps.


One of these jerks messed up Roy's face. The tiger is nature's homophobe.


Something so pink and poofy should probably deflect the obvious gibes by removing the word "flaming" from its name.


Little-known fact: the wombat has an unusually large brain for a marsupial. They direct that extra mental energy into perfecting the art of being lumpy doofuses. Also check out how that one looks like Salvador Dali.


Hey, great idea, a wheelbarrow that dies if I don't feed it and one of its names means "butt." I'm going to patent it and call it the Magic Dying Buttbarrow.

– Dr. David Thorpe (@Arr)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.