I understand you're angry. I'm angry too. I had no idea what was out there when I sent the colonists to investigate.
How could I? I'm just one guy. I sent them out there to be safe. Make sure everything was okay. If God decides that all of the colonists should be wrapped up in slime and glued to walls, impregnated with murderous alien embryos, and left moaning "killllll meeeeee," well, that's out of my jurisdiction.
Life is what's important to me. The lives we can save, right here and now. The little, baby alien lives. I believe they begin the moment the egg reacts to the heat of the nearby host and the implanter life form hatches. We can't have any firing, because God decided to put the heat exchanger for the fusion reactor right above where the aliens made their nest.
Now, hang on here, we can't just go committing genocide on an entire species. The colonists getting throated by a bunch of hand-penises was wrong, definitely, but two wrongs do not make a right. Their chest-rape was a horrible, horrible event, but now there is a little miracle inside them that has as much right to life as you or I or even Bishop.
Unfortunately, the Company cannot make any exceptions for the life of the mother.I struggled with this issue myself for a long time, but I came to realize that having your chest cavity hollowed out by a gnawing alien fetus is actually a gift from God. He wants our bio-weapons division to expand its office space and add new containment labs.
Let's all take a step back and think about this rationally. Don't do anything we're going to regret. The colonists and most of you are already implanted with embryos. You can't un-bake that cake, so running around trying to come up with a way to get the thing off of you is not going to help anyone.
I don't think God would have a problem if I cut you in on the deal. We're talking a substantial dollar value for a live creature. Come on, good money, all you have to do is carry one of these things to term. It'll be easy. Just sleep through it in the freezers.
Well, if you twist my words like that, yes, it sounds crazy. It sounds like I am a money-driven, amoral lowlife scumbag with little to no understanding of the science behind alien embryos in a human body. I have strong convictions. I just go back to the life aspect.
There are these wonderful things growing inside of you, almost all of you, and you are going to question God's will? Trust him. He has a plan. Something to do with using them against the Chinese after they explode from your chest. Yes, I could have brought a dog or some other animal to implant in hindsight, but what am I going to do now? Fly all the way back to Gateway Station?
Now my mission is clear. I don't care how many hosts die, so long as we get those specimens back to earth, and respect life in the process.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.