Batman? Stealing? Say it ain't so!
Batman: Oh, come on! It was just ice! You've got a whole continent of it!
Detective Comics #326
Batman? Stealing again? Surely there must be some mistake!
Batman: Oh, come on! It was just a child with a birdface! You've got a whole planet of them!
What the hell man?
Batman: Oh, come on! It was just a planet!
Detective Comics #328
Will Batman and Robin survive the intense scrutiny of a police lineup? Is it really fair for someone to wear a mask in one of these things?
Witness: Let's see... the guy that stole my watch was big, wearin' some kinda dark outfit with a blueish cape and cowl.
Batman: Don't you mean he was small, and wearing a brightly colored outfit?
Detective Wilson: Quiet, you. Just stand still. Sir, do you see your attacker in this lineup?
Witness: Yeah, I think I see him.
Batman: Me too. It's this guy on my left. I'd recognize that devious grin and those beady little eyes anywhere.
Detective Comics #281
This trial of the century is so incredible, you'll say "I OBJECT to getting so much entertainment for such a small amount of money"!
Lawyer: As you can see in this realtime X-Ray, your honor, my client clearly has ribs.
Judge: And your point?
Batman: I couldn't have possibly stolen that Faberge egg, your honor. Not with all these ribs to take care of! It's a full time job. There would be no time left to plan or execute an elaborate plot to make the Flash dizzy enough to pass out so I could steal the egg in his care.
Judge: Isn't that the Faberge egg right there in your stomach?
Batman: (to Lawyer) The torso defense never works! I can't believe I was dense enough to hire you simply because your name is Lawyer.
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.