"Caught Stealing"
Batman #121

Batman? Stealing? Say it ain't so!

Batman: Oh, come on! It was just ice! You've got a whole continent of it!

"Caught Again"
Detective Comics #326

Batman? Stealing again? Surely there must be some mistake!

Batman: Oh, come on! It was just a child with a birdface! You've got a whole planet of them!

"Again? Seriously?"
Batman #128

What the hell man?

Batman: Oh, come on! It was just a planet!

"The Lineup"
Detective Comics #328

Will Batman and Robin survive the intense scrutiny of a police lineup? Is it really fair for someone to wear a mask in one of these things?

Witness: Let's see... the guy that stole my watch was big, wearin' some kinda dark outfit with a blueish cape and cowl.
Batman: Don't you mean he was small, and wearing a brightly colored outfit?
Detective Wilson: Quiet, you. Just stand still. Sir, do you see your attacker in this lineup?
Witness: Yeah, I think I see him.
Batman: Me too. It's this guy on my left. I'd recognize that devious grin and those beady little eyes anywhere.

"On Trial!"
Detective Comics #281

This trial of the century is so incredible, you'll say "I OBJECT to getting so much entertainment for such a small amount of money"!

Lawyer: As you can see in this realtime X-Ray, your honor, my client clearly has ribs.
Judge: And your point?
Batman: I couldn't have possibly stolen that Faberge egg, your honor. Not with all these ribs to take care of! It's a full time job. There would be no time left to plan or execute an elaborate plot to make the Flash dizzy enough to pass out so I could steal the egg in his care.
Judge: Isn't that the Faberge egg right there in your stomach?
Batman: (to Lawyer) The torso defense never works! I can't believe I was dense enough to hire you simply because your name is Lawyer.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.