GOD BASS AMERICAPicture yourself having a big, beautiful house, three well-behaved kids, an attractive spouse, and two cars in your garage. That's the American dream. Lovely, isn't it? Now picture it all on fire because somebody (a.k.a. you) didn't pay attention when it came time to learn about firework safety. Way to go, dingus.
Today is the birthday of our glorious nation, and since guys around here are going to be playing with explosives pretty much all day long, I think it's time to review some firework safety basics, or at least the consequences of not knowing said basics. It's a well-known fact that the human brain responds best to advice when it's presented in a loosely-knit story by a cheesy rapping mascot, so that's what I've done here. It's also a printable coloring book, which means you can click each image to get a slightly bigger version if you so desire. They might come in handy for you during that boring period in-between the cheap liquor and the fireworks, or if you're babysitting a bunch of kids, or both. Enjoy, and I hope you learn something!
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The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
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