Yours Truly is attending the meetings in the lands of India.Hail and well meetings fellow traveler of the Computer Pages Highway! Yours Truly has not been given to seeing you as of the latest because of commitments made to outside forces. I have made the trips with dear wife and Large Son to countries of India, which is hottest of spots on the borders with Pakistan Land. This is a place of grave terrors like mummies and vampire queens so it is careful at all times and watch out for the Talibans kidnappers. Yours Truly is staying at largest and most fulfilling hotel in all of the great city of Hyderabad and this hotel is being called "The Texas Ranch", which is making me roll with the laughs because India is not Texas. Whoever is naming this hotel is a Grade A+ kidder and a certifiable comedy type.

Yours Truly's reasons for going towards India are many and as varied as the color which is inhabiting the rainbows. First there is the natural splendors and wildlives of scenic Hyderabad. Just the other day I am telling Large Son "Large Son, look over there, is that a gazebo?" And Large Son is looking slowly over there by turning of the head and then I am realize "oh no, that is not a gazebo at last, it is in being actually a series of interlocking vent shafts used by the large American dangerous chemical factory!" Then we are given to run as the vents are opening with a suddenness and spewing out clouds of vapor that is making the vision all shaky and burning the heart with a frenzy. This is a little slice of home in Tijuana all the way across the great wide ocean in Hyderabad.

Also wonderful in Hyderabad are all of the many monkeys and their splendors as well. The monkeys are in every place you are finding the peoples, such as the streets, in restaurants, on top of busses, under the river, hiding behind rocks, in the lines to ride the ponies, in giant clock gears, and most of all, inside of my hat! Oh those monkeys can be in such an uproar it is giving me the conniptions! But like fire the monkey can be a friend in addition to being dangerous and burning. If you are watching their teeth and not making direct eyes to eyes contact with the monkeys they can be a wonderful companion-type in your adventures and journeys through Hyderabad. Just now as I am writing this for the Computer Book I have a monkey on the telephone who is giving me secrets and tips. No, silly sirs, monkeys cannot use a telephone, but it is on top of the telephone and screeching with mystery!

It is all about Location, Location, Locations.The real reasons why I am making the long trips to Hyderabad are all to do with business and not so much of the pleasuring kinds. This Something Is Awesome Computer Book is telling me "El Pinto Grande, you are fantastic wrestling sensation up and down the coasts of the Americas, but now it is the times when your expertise is being needed in a far away lands." I am nod, because of course Yours Truly understand when people in places like India and The Pakistan Land here the tallest tales of wrestling adventure and feel the hunger for El Pinto Grande. Then management type is saying "You are the experts of outside sourcing El Pinto Grande, and the prices of comedy in the North American Territory is too high to pay these days what with the taxes and birthdays. You are given first class tickets on the next airship to India to use the hardest of holds on organizations of the new employees of Something Is Awesome."

So Yours Truly is arriving in Hyderabad with a mission and is given towards the budget to purchase new offices. I am looking at many places all over Hyderabad including a former colony for the leper types, which is spacious and handsome but has odd smells. I am finally choosing the former police barracks of Hyderabad which are roomy with just enough jail cells for my likings. Then it is time to begin the interviewing processes for the new staves of Something Is Awesome. My friend and helper type in the beautiful nation of India is Deeptendu Chakrapani who is telling me many helpful hints and difficult maneuvers to make the day useful. It is only being of nature that I am making Deeptendu into "Lowtax" who is like the king of the kings.

Deeptendu is of the course making the most important of business decisions next to Yours Truly so he is making the big bucks which is 89,000 rupees per day or about 11 Human dollars a week. Deeptendu - or should I say "Lowtax" - is telling me that this money is the money of champions in Hyderabad and he is buying a house for himself and his pet monkeys and still having enough left over for the submarine we all crave in our hearts of the hearts. Then it is time for the interviews and Deeptendu is showing the wide varieties of rough customers in. They all have the silliest of names and I am made to laugh at the introduction part and sometimes I am saying "your name is too funny, I am sorry but Something Is Awesome is not that funny" other times their names are very serious like the "Jack" or the "Pauline" and I am saying "your name is not funny, I am sorry but Something Is Awesome is much funnier than that name is". Then they are leaving in disgrace and old India folklore says "when the job interview is going bad a thousand tears of Shiva are falling into the lands".

It is out with old expensive Americans and in with cheap and reliable Indians. This party is electrifying goodbyes.This is a truth as I am learning but that is a different story for a different time. When the time rolls around to the eventually I am making the hiring of three other stars of India to become the big shot writers of Something Is Awesome. Then there are also being 14,000 writer assistants who are paid only 25 Human cents per month and work in a giant room in the basement and have to somehow make light come out of their head if they are wanting to see anything. I am suggesting miner helmets to Deeptendu but he is telling me writers will learn to see in dark like cats if their job is depending on it.

I am pleased as the punch to be telling you about the newest of starting lineups here at Something Is Awesome! I am asking each of the new staff writer types to tell you a little bit about each of themselves. It is an adventure through the histories!

Deeptendu "Lowtax" Chakrapani - I grow tall as cloud in city of Hyderabad. It is long goal to be write. Thank you for opportunities! America is good. I has a cat it is name is Stupid and there is dogs too. Hello?

Apoorva "Geist Editor" Phanishwar - World War II is so fancy. Good morning to you; thanks to this - Hitler in a plane - I am going to be super stars like Britain Spears. I live in Chicago. Here is a sensitivity writing and it means a lot to me. This is the best.

Ghanapriya "Livestock" Jagatpal - Here is a football player. Here is a scared cow and it is blessed. I eat cows I am American. I love to get the cheeseburger at the beer shops. God bless America. I am so excite.

Madhumalati "Greasnin" Shah - Wow! This is honor. This is opportunity. Believe me when I say. I review motion picture until the action is stopped. Here is another article and it is feisty. I like Frolixo because he is mad. Please send help to writing factory I am being made to write against my will.

This is going towards an outburst of excitement! I am so up in the arms over all of these wonderful new writer types who are on the board with Something Is Awesome. Yours Truly is not just about hiring he is also about the nurturing and I am nurturing many delighted articles from these proud authors. In my crystal ball I am looking at the schedule for the up and coming days and I have some surprises in store. Others are not so surprising and that is because I am giving you a sneak preview at the articles inside the pipe and coming out of the pipe.

"My Wife Will Burn When I Die" By Lowtax
"My Cat is So Crazy Look at it Go. Also Dog." By Lowtax
"Here is Tank" By Geist Editor
"Oh That Crazy Football Pictures Go and Win!" By Livestock
"I Have Child for Sale" By Lowtax
"This Movie is so Crazy - Part One" By Greasnin
"This Movie is so Crazy - Part Two" By Greasnin
"Here is a Funny Story" By Livestock
"My Feelings About Important" By Geist Editor
"Crazy List of Silly Things" By Lowtax

I hope you are going towards encouraging these many fine young talents that are going to be aiming for the stars and shooting at the moon! They are also aiming towards the please.

No fighting in the war room!

Hey gang, Indian outsourced employee Ghanapriya "Livestock" Jagatpal here with the "low-down" and "911" on the new Photoshop Phriday. The theme this week is "Outrageous Prices" and we've got some of the most absolutely absurd prices you've ever seen! You'll probably be screaming to yourself, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I DID NOT KNOW THERE WERE THAT MANY ZEROS IN THE ALPHABET!" But you will be wrong, stupid American, because that is not the theme at all. This week the SA Forum Goonsmaking war safe and reasonably healthy. You can't argue with a humanitarian mission such as that one. Here is definitely not a picture of Rosie O'Donnell kissing her new wife:

Do us a favor, a mighty big favor, and click this link. This one here. Not this one. THIS ONE.

– El Pinto Grande

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.