Some species of birds live in South America. This one does not.
South America nearly became regular America, until would-be settlers decided there were far too many birds. Following this discovery, South America became the world's grocery store, providing important people with the coffee and sugar necessary for human life in better places.
South America spans over 17 million square kilometers! Did you know that 17 is a prime number? In lieu of providing you with more information about South America, please write as many prime numbers as you can in the space provided below:
Europe is the birthplace of white people. Unfortunately, not all white people decided to come to America, and their jealousy over the years has since transformed into a distinct rudeness towards anyone from this great land of ours. While they were busy building their practice society, Europeans developed such time-honored concepts as books, property, and Capitalism - the same Capitalism that keeps your teacher in those nice clothes she's wearing! Though Europe was an early innovator on the world stage, their modern backwardness can be seen in their strange electrical outlets, shameful currency, and their tendency to let very ugly people on TV. Taking a trip to modern Europe is like stepping into an alternate version of America where everything is older, damper, and gypsy-adjacent. Thankfully, one only needs to pop in a DVD of their favorite Lord of the Rings Movie to see the sights of Europe in all of their Hollywood splendor.
1,000 years ago, a powerful sheik buried eight of his most powerful treasures in a barren desert wasteland. "With my parting words, I promise a multitude of riches to those who defeat the evil ones desecrating my sacred ground!" Are you tough enough to take on the sheik's challenge?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
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