Small child, what is your favorite activity?

  • A. Leading.
  • B. Doing machines.
  • C. Being crude, but cool.
  • D. Overeating while abusing household pets.

LEADIN'

You find a wallet in the street. Do you:

  • A. Take it to the local constabulary.
  • B. Assemble a small, marketable robot for the purpose of returning it to your local constabulary.
  • C. Crack wise about the status of missing wallet(e.g. “Now that’s what I call losing your money;” possibly something far less clever).
  • D. Use contents of wallet on burgeoning drug habit; place wallet under tongue in anticipation of expected overdose.

What is your worst quality?

  • A. Inability to follow.
  • B. Preoccupation with machinery, gears; cog-based hobbies.
  • C. Well timed situation-based puns.
  • D. Closets upon closets of Hawaiian shirts. Also, coming out of blackouts guilty of murder.

What is your favorite food?

  • A. Pizza.
  • B. Pizza.
  • C. Pizza.
  • D. Pizza-style bagel foodlets.

If you could talk to anyone in the world, who would it be?

  • A. God, or the man who invented Sears.
  • B. The one, the only: Mr. Eddie Deezen.
  • C. Star Search finalist Dave “Uncle Joey” Coulier.
  • D. Whoever owned the mailbox I befouled last night- I left my wallet inside your cat and I need it back, bro.
More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.