Congratulations on your ceremonial induction into the Scarlet Lodge! You now walk the path of Thelema. Your brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers welcome you on the path of true enlightenment.
Aleister Crowley's founding principle was, "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law." It's a good jumping off point for our laws here at the Scarlet Lodge. Over the years, experience has demonstrated the necessity for additional principles that enhance harmony while still respecting Crowley's creative vision for our order and the Liber AL vel Legis.
As a recent inductee, we ask that you familiarize yourself with these additional laws and respect them.
1. Do What Thou Wilt
2. Remove Thine Shoes While We Are Having the Anti-Baptismal Remodeled
3. Eat and Drink What Thou Wilt With the Exception of Labeled Food and Drinks in the Fridge
4. Thou Shall Not Bringest Pets Into the Abby (Exceptions Shall Be Made For Service Animals)
5. The Abby Shall Be a Smoke Free Facility (Vaping Pending)
6. Thou Shall Please Wear a Shirt or Robe Unless Required to Be Nude for Magick
7. The Loading Zone Behind the Temple Shall Be Only For Drop Offs and Pick Ups
8. Watch What Thou Wilt On the Lodge's TV at a Reasonable Volume (25 or Below)
9. Thou Shall Not Use the Computers in the Lodge for Pornography During Services
10. What Thou Wilt Had Better Not Be Burn Outs in the Parking Lot
11. Can Thou Please Stop Walking On the Front Lawn Right After the Signs Go Up About Seeding?
12. Not Pointing at Any Brother or Sister In Particular, But Someone Keeps Feeding Kettle Corn to the Frogs in the Journey Pond and Thou Should Stop Because Thou Art Killing the Frogs
13. It Should Not Be Necessary to Proclaim This, But Thou Shall Please Not Leave Feces Upon the Toilet Seat
14. When Thou Art Finished With the Chips Use The Chip Clip
15. Please DO NOT Move Things On the Altar, Jennifer Spends Hours Arranging Things for Magick and the Slightest Misalignment Can Be Problematic
16. Thou Shall Not Borrow the Baphomet Mask for a Party (RANDY!)
17. No Skateboarding
Thank you for observing and respecting these rules while you are a member of the Scarlet Lodge. Your journey to understanding may be long and arduous, but that is no reason not to close the chip bag.
Magus Wrigley Indigo King
Thou Wilt Enjoy More Rules of the Scarlet Lodge on Zack's Facebook.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.