This article is part of the The Great Authors Series series.
Beyond the infamy of Crete stood an island wrapped in brittle womb, sunken pillars no more nourishing than spoiled innards of the cow. Drizzled with "wow-sabi" cream.
Guy-talian Fondue Dippers
Baked as born, cold and black, a twisted bread so wrapped in flesh distended from the souls of gluttonous bathers and thrust into the ichor of provolone, to wail and burn anew. It's "sauce-ome!"
Righteous Rojo Rings
Prevaricators and erotic actors stuffed to agony on the tangy discharge of these malignant hoops. So sup Achilles, both nurtured and cursed by Chiron in thine evil, a turgid rojo ring which weeps a dipping sauce you can take straight to the bank, hombre!
Who games, and dissipates his property, spitted and roasted slowly, a dismal chorus rends the air. Linger not or slip down into their pit and so among them drown in fetid lagoons of dying humors named by some Guy's blue-sabi sauce.
Brutha's Badass Caesar Salad
So Ovid, Plato and those denied witness to Christ's ascension at Calvary, inhabit a limbo of rock bread, lettuce and curdled milk to be tempered with the fresh-crushed liquor of a carrion worm and transported in a vessel of beetle-gnawed rind.
Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Famous authors of renown and infamy find new inspiration when unexpected sponsors pay them to write. Not even death can stop them!