1. Lots of Dogs

    Lots of Dogs

    LARGE CUBE OF DOGS. I have over 160 canines stacked and arranged in a very specific way so as to all fit in a single room. Buyer must purchase and move entire collection and room. No exceptions. $3,000,000. 555-4218

  2. Multitudes of Dogs

    Multitudes of Dogs

    DREAM DOG SOUGHT: had dream where dog stood on polygonal plane in front of pyramid surrounded by pillars of neon light and barked strange symbols. Think dog may have had tank treads instead of legs. 555-7802

  3. Legions of Dogs

    Legions of Dogs

    D-76 HELLHOUND ANTIAIRCRAFT DOG. Side-mounted missile batteries allow dog to rapidly unleash 12 laser-guided missiles at enemy targets. Built-in radar capable of detecting most aircraft. $750k. 555-1023

  4. PLURALITY OF DOGS

    PLURALITY OF DOGS

    GRAVITATIONALLY STRONG DOG: large dog has 9 smaller dogs locked in constant elliptical orbit. Witness the exotic beauty of the cosmos dance before your eyes. Closest one has decaying orbit, so watch out. $650. 555-2321

  5. Heaps of Dogs

    Heaps of Dogs

    SWOOP SWOOP! Helicopter dog features real set of rotor blades on rig extending from back. Capable of flight. A slight side effect is that he's also capable of accidental decapitations when he gets excited and comes flying at you. 555-0522

  6. SWARMS OF DOGS

    SWARMS OF DOGS

    FOR SALE: TWO GREYHOUNDS. Dogs are not capable of running anymore after I tried experiment of tethering them to a racehorse in hopes of inventing real life podracing. Horse was too fast and dogs couldn't keep up, but couldn't stop either. Call for price. 555-8230

  7. Oodles of Dogs

    Oodles of Dogs

    AFTER 11 PROFOUND YEARS of loving friendship, my dog Gustavo is leaving me. He has insisted I write this ad, as he would like to live with somebody "who listens and truly hears." I don't know why he is doing this to me. Please forgive my crying when you call. 555-2589

  8. Hordes of Dogs

    Hordes of Dogs

    DUCK-HERDING DOG is out of control. Every day she herds more and more ducks into my yard, such that I am now trapped inside. Ducks are angry and won't stop quacking. Running out of food. Please take dog, please. 555-2388

  9. Gobs of Dogs

    Gobs of Dogs

    FOR SALE: ONE CORNDOG. I'm a simple farmer and this "corndog" was not at all what I expected. You damn city folk have swindled me again. Make an offer, damnit. I ain't got all day. 555-0429

  10. LOTS OF GODS

    LOTS OF GODS

    PANTHEON OF GODS. Have gods of agriculture, swamps and creeks, haberdashery and parties. Selling entire lot together, so don't even try to split 'em up. Pantheon sold separately. Need to make room for One True God. 555-9237

  11. CHILDREN FOR SALE

    CHILDREN FOR SALE

    DEMONIC CHILD has the power to make pets commit suicide. Caused cat to gorge herself to death on own hair, and our beloved dog to bury himself alive. Otherwise very friendly, gets good grades. Great for pet-free home. 555-9528

  12. Exotic Pets For Sale!

    Exotic Pets For Sale!

    SUPERB OWL acquired two days ago due to a misprinted party invitation. Tried one wing with buffalo sauce; meaty but too gamy. 555-4682

  13. LOTS OF STUFF

    LOTS OF STUFF

    FREE SUBMARINE! Kid-sized submarine opens doorway to amazing adventures. Don't tell your kids it's just a barrel with a window on it-- they won't know the difference! Works great in lakes, rivers, oceans, etc. Has hook for tying rope to so you don't lose it. 555-8288

  14. Pantheons of Gods

    Pantheons of Gods

    HORRIBLE JERK GOD won't let me shave my beard. It's gotten so long I'm tripping over the damn thing. I can't even groom or make it more manageable. Will trade my beard-nazi god for one who appreciates a clean shave or maybe even provides free laser-hair removal. 555-2911

  15. ROOMS FOR RENT

    ROOMS FOR RENT

    CARNIVAL FUNHOUSE been nigh on 30 years since the carnival closed. Mirror maze available to tenant with strong constitution. Lots of wasps swarming in there and it's hard to tell which ones are real and which ones are reflections. $1200/month for unit pending thorough credit check. 555-9239

  16. Mounds of Dogs

    Mounds of Dogs

    FOR SALE: DOG PIÑATA. Kleptomaniac dog ate all my candy, then promptly expired. Need to recoup my investment, so please buy him as is, filled with over three pounds of mixed candies. 555-1162

  17. ROOMS FOR RENT II: THE RENTENING

    ROOMS FOR RENT II: THE RENTENING

    LIVE THE HIGH LIFE! Luxurious apartment, plenty of space, amazing in every way except for one tiny flaw: it is a second-story unit and there is no floor. Don't ask, just rent. 555-2983

  18. SCORES OF DOGS

    SCORES OF DOGS

    WHISTLING DOG - carries a tune with perfect pitch and sits there endlessly staring, endlessly whistling "the Farmer in the Dell," endlessly staring, never breaking eye contact, just whistles, just stares, whistles, stares. 555-7255

  19. SCADS OF DOGS

    SCADS OF DOGS

    GENUINE DOG EGGS are yours for the low price of $50 each. Put 'em in your incubator and watch adorable puppies pop out. Not my fault if they look like lizards. 555-8257

  20. THRONGS OF DOGS

    THRONGS OF DOGS

    UNBELIEVABLE DEAL! This rare set of Russian nesting dogs is a sight to behold, delivering hours of joy as you find increasingly smaller dogs inside each other. Call for OUTRAGEOUS quote. 555-1124

  21. PLENTY OF DOGS

    PLENTY OF DOGS

    GONADS GALORE - this pooch is 90% gonads, 10% dog. Not the best ratio for a family with small children who ask a lot of questions. Perfect for you? Let’s talk gonads. 555-9231

  22. REAMS OF DOGS

    REAMS OF DOGS

    URGENT PROCLAMATION: Let it be known I have cut all ties with my former mastiff companion, Arsenio. He has wronged me and will henceforth wander the streets a vagrant. Do not aid or comfort him. He is cast out from the kingdom of man. 555-9123

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