When I was seven years old Star Wars was the greatest thing ever. It had trash-talking bounty hunters, light sabers, massive space battles, and roaring wookiees that might tear a gay robot’s arms off at any minute. Twenty years or so went by and the world had not been too kind to Star Wars. Mediocre movies and increasingly shitty video games had all but spoiled any good will I felt towards the franchise. Until “Knights of the Old Republic” was released that is. But this article isn’t about that wonderful game, it’s about celebrating the biggest hero of Star Wars. He doesn’t have the force or even an intelligible language, but he’s got a lot of moxie and a head-to-toe fur coat that predates Huckleberry Hound suits with cock sheaths and ass flaps. I am of course referring to Chewbacca: Modern Wookiee.

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.