This article is part of the Dog Classifieds series.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
A hardy sampling of the dogs available for free or for purchase through your local newspaper classified ads. If you ever need to adopt a faithful canine companion, look no further.