Every two hundred years, readers of this feature will be given a chance to test their mettle and possibly be immortalized in the pantheon of digital warriors - masters of power ups and high scores and extra men.
Do you have what it takes? Each challenge below is broken down into three tiers of increasing difficulty. You can try your hand at as many or as few tiers and challenges as you'd like.
Don't worry about taking a photograph or screenshot of your achievement; we'll be observing through the usual channels.
Complete Mass Effect 2 without interrupting a single conversation.
Encounter more genuine choices than tutorial screens in Final Fantasy XIII.
Get a 100% happily-ever-after ending in Dragon Age: Origins.
Accumulate 1,000 hours at the Left 4 Dead 2 main menu in one sitting.
Play Borderlands on the PC for any length of time, then understand what the developers meant when they claimed the game would be optimized for the platform.
In Battlefield: Bad Company 2, go three minutes without a single person switching teams.
Sports Game Challenge
Stare at Tiger Woods' intense expression on the cover of any of his games from the past five years without laughing.
In a brick-and-mortar game store, find a copy of Vancouver 2010 outside of a discount bin or the hands of a weeping child.
Enjoy Tony Hawk Ride.
Video Game Message Board Challenge
When someone posts a conflicting opinion about a game you like, resist the urge to tell them they're "playing it wrong".
Find a thread without some jackass telling someone not to "waste" money on a slightly older game because the sequel is out or coming soon.
Describe a technical problem or DRM issue without someone swooping in to explain that it's not a big deal because they haven't experienced it.
Motion Control Challenge
Instead of sitting perfectly still and making minute gestures with your resting hands, stand up and use a game's full range of motions while alone without ruminating on the wrong turns your life has taken.
Beat any game by performing the Thriller dance.
Perform an actual tracheotomy with the Wii Remote.
Spend less time having fun in Champions Online's character creator than in the game itself.
Have an actual sense of humor and a soul, and find any joke/pun in World Of Warcraft funny.
In Star Trek Online, feel as though you're the first person to explore a new corner of the galaxy.
Just Cause 2
Infinite parachutes, infinite explosions, infinite objects and NPCs to grapple together, infinitely terrible voice acting that isn't "bad on purpose". 8/10
Silent Hunter 5: Battle Of The Atlantic
Thanks to the terrible interface - which you sort of have to use to, well, interface with everything in the game - you could say this is a SUB-optimal game... heyo! 4/10
The best (and most visually interesting) city builder since Anno 1404/Dawn Of Discovery, and the only discussion about it is along the lines of "too bad about Ubisoft's DRM, I'd really like to buy this but don't want my internet connection to disrupt single player games". 8/10
Nice try with the end of the title, but this is actually getting a... 7/10
Resonance Of Fate
Crap, I had some primo lame jokes about this game's title if it had been bad. 8/10
The vibe of Mario Paint meets Warioware minigames, and the result is. 8/10
Nightwatch Brigade Insignia: Awarded for hiding in a coat closet and watching God's Not Dead, God's Not Dead 2, and Last Man Standing on a 1980s-era portable tv every night instead of sleeping
Why you honk and how it’s misinterpreted.
If you think Hitler was good, you've got another thing coming.
These tips are guaranteed to work. Nearly every time.
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