Surveying the horrors of nuclear annihilation, I realize the hubris of my species and the grand indifference of the universe. But I have to admit, a lot of these horrors would make great band names.
Am I boring you? Does the flesh-rending, bone-splintering brutality of the Fight Palace put you to sleep? In the arena, a moment can mean the difference between life and death, but clearly a moment of your time is too much to ask.
The moment I step inside Planet Fitness, I feel completely at home. No prying eyes staring at me, judging me, like they do on the street. It's almost like that horrible, regrettable incident never happened.
I've never been one to define myself by my clothes, so an ironic "Future Children's Party Clown" t-shirt appealed to me. I might have been weird, but I knew I'd never become a children's party clown. Until I did.
In a change of format, the next season of The Simpsons will consist entirely of the cartoon family discussing the lives of their fans.