Heritage House '76 Abstinence Education Store, submitted by frumpus. Abstinence education is one of those things that everyone, deep down, knows is completely retarded. Even the people who teach it probably know it doesn't work. There's gravity, there are covalent bonds and there are teenage boys wanting to chuck a dong up a teenage girl. All abstinence education really does is deflect the dong from the girl's vagina and make it end up somewhere like her mouth or her butt. It also usually has a silly religious undercurrent which is always a great way to educate people about facts.

Heritage House '76 has a nice big section on their horrible website devoted to selling various comical abstinence-related items to parents with more money than sense about what actually interests their teenagers. Here's an easy tip: not having sex is pretty low on their list of interests. They have various stickers, bracelets, pens and an "abstinence value pack" that provides teens with a year's worth of virginity-themed supplies. They also have a wide selection of undoubtedly excellent virginity-themed videos.

Keith’s main mission is to reach youth with comedy and Scripture, but his ministry reaches adults as well. He provides parents of teens with practical advice on how to encourage and protect their child’s sexual purity.

Videos that achieve this same goal are available all over the Internet!

Christian abstinence only educators really need to wake up and turn back to the science they have spent so much time condemning. The scripture may have a lot of insight about not churning the butter with a fellow teen, but with science they could make people infinitely more abstinent. They could neutralize their will to procreate, flatline their sex drives with chemicals or even develop some sort of time-based asexual reproduction. I wonder if asexual echinoderms fear God's wrath every time they reproduce through fission.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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