[Editor's warning: TopCops greets you with gunshots; adjust your speaker volume accordingly!]
TopCops proclaims itself the "Home of TopCops from Around the World." It's definitely NOT associated with the TV show of the same name, which is apparently a common enough misconception that it warranted a disclaimer. So if you're looking for information on the old CBS show that ran from 1990 to 1993, you're in the wrong place, bucko. This site is for TopCops ONLY!
TopCops launched in 1996, and you might think it's still 1996 from looking at it, if it weren't for all the stirring tributes to September 11 (five by my count). Each one memorializes the tragic events of that grim Tuesday morning with solemn dignity. Just kidding, they all feature tacky GIFs and embedded mp3s. Let's Roll!
Now, let's say you're a TopCop looking looking to get together with fellow TopCops to "talk shop." Well, there's a password-protected IRC channel on which you can "meet Fop, Warden, Tidbit and LawWoman for fun chat." They sound like a rowdy bunch! If you're not into the whole IRC thing, you can subscribe to the TopCops listserv ("listserv" is what people called Twitter back in the day).
Good news: you don't even have to be a cop to subscribe! You just have to be active in law enforcement, willing to scan your ID, and trusting enough to believe this site isn't a big scam designed to steal cop identities for access to all the cool TopCop perks us normies aren't entitled to (vending machine cheat codes, downloadable siren tones, tasers customized with engraved cuss words).
Even though TopCops has been around for more than 15 years now, apparently only three works have ever earned enshrinement in "The Literary Corner," a section showcasing poems written by cops. What, you didn't know cops had a sensitive side? That's very racist of you. Here's a poem titled "MIDNIGHT SHIFT":
Dark Alley, Dark Night
Tall Silhouette, Open Door
Gleam of Silver!
Gun? Knife? Keys?
No Time! Decide Now!
Judge, Jury, Executioner, Decide Now!
Six Blinding Flashes!
Wait! Cold Sweat!
Just a Dream, Just a Dream
Bring On the Night!
And here's a little tribute I wrote all by myself:
TopCops on the beat
TopCops on the street
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.