ME: what are you doing there, LOSER?
*grabs notebook from your hands*
ME: oh i see, making sex drawings in your stupid book. check it out, Brad, look at this stupid SEX nerd.
*hands notebook to Brad*
BRAD: Haha, what a fuckin' nerd.
ME: Why are you into gay stuff like that, loser? *shoves you* Sex is stupid!
*you grab your notebook from Brad and run away, in tears. I throw rocks at you while laughing*
ME: Get out of here, SEX NERD
"I bet you read Playboy for the beautiful naked women in provocative poses, LOSER"
Eugene V. Dabs
pfft. sex-havers? who even knows what a penis is! that's super gross, you sex-knower. i bet you probably like, ugh, keep NOTES and KNOW STUFF about how to do a sex to someone! i've never even THOUGHT about how doing a sex might work.
*guy leads girl into bedroom. the walls are covered with karma sutra posters and on top of the dresser are many sex figurines and bottles of scented lotions*
*under her breath* what a...nerd
beautiful woman i'm having dinner with: haha! that's soooo funny.... you know, when i saw your profile, i thought you were a total sex nerd, like the kind of guy that wears a penis protector, lol
me: actually, I do wear protection *shows dick with condom on*
woman: oh... well, i guess you make it work... eh....
my new dog
Being examined by urologist: "you disgust me"
*flicks yogurt at group of sex nerds huddled round the cafeteria table comparing Tinder profiles*
as I leave the house, I shout "I'm going to a colleague's house to have hot, sweaty sex, don't mind me, I'll be back in the morning." my parents wave me off with approval
but what they don't know, is that i'm going to climb back into my bedroom through the window, and play minecraft until dawn
Me: "i move to initiate doggy style"
DM: "What is your coitus skill?"
DM: "Not too risky, roll it."
*Roll percentile die, get 49*
DM: "You get a cramp in your foot as you strain to swing your legs over your partner. You impulsively move to grab your foot in pain."
Me: "I have a daily that allows rerolls on sex act fails."
DM: "Roll to save."
DM: "You stay engaged in coitus although precariously close to pulling out. Somehow your partner does not laugh at you. Woah. That was close."
deep dish peat moss
I don't hang out with Darren, he's part of one of those Role-Playing groups... and I don't mean the kind with the dice
"I thought the internet was all fun and games. Grow virtual plants on Facebook. Send email to grandma. IM friends with emojis," said the Stupid Ass Teenager, currently dying in an Idiot County hospital. "Never in my wildest dreams could I ever possibly humanly imagine that doing stupid ass internet shit in real life might get me mortally injured."
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
Guess what's back? Frosty tundras! And me.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.