mister magpie

ME: what are you doing there, LOSER?

*grabs notebook from your hands*

ME: oh i see, making sex drawings in your stupid book. check it out, Brad, look at this stupid SEX nerd.

*hands notebook to Brad*

BRAD: Haha, what a fuckin' nerd.

ME: Why are you into gay stuff like that, loser? *shoves you* Sex is stupid!

*you grab your notebook from Brad and run away, in tears. I throw rocks at you while laughing*

ME: Get out of here, SEX NERD


"I bet you read Playboy for the beautiful naked women in provocative poses, LOSER"

Eugene V. Dabs

pfft. sex-havers? who even knows what a penis is! that's super gross, you sex-knower. i bet you probably like, ugh, keep NOTES and KNOW STUFF about how to do a sex to someone! i've never even THOUGHT about how doing a sex might work.

mister magpie

*guy leads girl into bedroom. the walls are covered with karma sutra posters and on top of the dresser are many sex figurines and bottles of scented lotions*

*under her breath* what a...nerd


beautiful woman i'm having dinner with: haha! that's soooo funny.... you know, when i saw your profile, i thought you were a total sex nerd, like the kind of guy that wears a penis protector, lol

me: actually, I do wear protection *shows dick with condom on*

woman: oh... well, i guess you make it work... eh....

my new dog

Being examined by urologist: "you disgust me"

hockey jockey

*flicks yogurt at group of sex nerds huddled round the cafeteria table comparing Tinder profiles*


as I leave the house, I shout "I'm going to a colleague's house to have hot, sweaty sex, don't mind me, I'll be back in the morning." my parents wave me off with approval

but what they don't know, is that i'm going to climb back into my bedroom through the window, and play minecraft until dawn

mister magpie

Me: "i move to initiate doggy style"

DM: "What is your coitus skill?"

Me: "80"

DM: "Not too risky, roll it."

*Roll percentile die, get 49*

DM: "You get a cramp in your foot as you strain to swing your legs over your partner. You impulsively move to grab your foot in pain."

Me: "I have a daily that allows rerolls on sex act fails."

DM: "Roll to save."


DM: "You stay engaged in coitus although precariously close to pulling out. Somehow your partner does not laugh at you. Woah. That was close."

deep dish peat moss

I don't hang out with Darren, he's part of one of those Role-Playing groups... and I don't mean the kind with the dice

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