Steve: One of the best (worst) things about this module is that Acererak the demi-lich is a huge asshole. He's an asshole for filling his tomb with traps AND treasure, he's an asshole because he leaves little messages throughout his tomb bragging about how he's going to kill the players, and he's an asshole because of stuff like this:
Zack: What is it, some sort of evil glory hole?
Steve: I'm afraid the only glory to be found in this hole is total destruction.
Zack: A few Republican congressmen have learned that the hard way.
Steve: What? No, this is serious stuff. It's called, "THE FACE OF THE GREAT GREEN DEVIL."
Steve: The book says, "The face has a huge O of a mouth; it is dead black. The whole area radiates evil and magic if detected for. The mouth opening is similar to a (fixed) sphere of annihilation, but it is about 3' in diameter - plenty of room for those who wish to leap in and be completely and forever destroyed."
Zack: So it's more like an Army recruitment office.
Steve: Acererak is a DICK. He put a magical hole on the wall that completely destroys a character. For no reason!
Zack: You've got the reason right there.
Steve: Yeah, he's a dick. There's another room that traps you in a cube with three levers and no clues about what to do. If you move all three levers up a door opens in the ceiling and you escape. If you move all three levers down the floor drops out and you fall 100 feet and take 10d10 damage.
Zack: I think you're being a little unfair to Acererak here. Anyone who has ever taken a ride on an elevator can figure out what to do with the levers. Just like an elevator, press up and it goes up, press down and it crashes 100 feet down the shaft breaking your legs and back and neck and head.
(Lips smacking, mouth full of peanut butter, glistening streams of peanut butter oil running down chin) "I'm full as hell, and I'm not going to take another bite!"
I saw good men turned to mush in the wars against the soggies. Men much better than you, Mr. President. If you are going to take John Brennan's security clearance, take my security clearance too.
Bonk: The Only Good Bonk Is A Head Bonk
We review every game from the last 2 months, plus all 21 SNES Classic titles
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.