Aliens, Jesus, and bad special effects? Why, it's David Heavener's masterpiece "Outlaw Prophet!"
When I heard there existed a horror movie about Ron Jeremy's dick going on a killing spree, I did not think it would be the best cinematic experience of my professional career! Thank you so much "One Eyed Monster" for showing me the light.
"Not Quite Human" is a movie about a robot and not an underpaid teen actor because Mickey Mouse says it's a movie about a robot! Cool!
Hey remember that 'RV' comedy movie they advertised back in '06 that you were almost interested in seeing because it had Robin Williams in it but then you realized it looked shitty so you didn't? Yeah you didn't miss much.
"Beyond Loch Ness" is a movie about the Loch Ness Monster terrorizing America. Fuck Scotland we're taking your shit.
I don't even know where to start. This movie. "Surf School." It's fucking broken me.
A horror movie featuring murder, sex, AND drugs? Well I never!
"Transmorphers" is a straight-to-DVD ripoff release that nevertheless managed to be better than "Transformers 2" by virtue of being much, much shorter.
"Raptor Island" is another edge-of-your seat Sci-Fi Channel thrill ride where red-blooded American heroes triumph over deadly foes straight out of a high-school senior's Computer Animation project!
"Hey reviewing bad movies will be WAY better than reviewing bad video games!" exclaimed Raptor Red, her stupid trap flapping in the wind. "The Butterfly Effect 3" is a heartwarming family film involving magical bathtubs, racism, and sisterfucking. Also it's as boring as a Catholic mass.