Flames From Review of Neverwinter Nights

From: Steve Mueller
Subject: 07.24.02: TruthMedia Editor - TruthMedia Review: Neverwinter Nights

Wow, someone did NOT do their homework before writing this article. I am not defending the game, but there's quite a few facts in this article that are incorrect. I'd suggest the author should at least do some research into the product he/she is writing about, before publishing a review on it. Reviews like this make your site look like a bunch of misinformed idiots, writing to hear themselves chitter.

Maybe should change your domain name from somethingawful.com to someawfularticles.com...?

Seriously, pull this article, make the author research his/her facts, rewrite it, then repost it.

Ha ha! Get it? "Some Awful Articles?" That's comedy, my friend! See, he called us "a bunch of misinformed idiots" and suggested we change our URL to "someawfularticles.com" because we wrote an awful article! Do you get it now? That joke may be a little over your head, much like the fake review was to ol' Stevie here, but if you think about it for a few hours like I did, you'll eventually understand the joke. Maybe. I can't tell, I'm just writing to hear myself chitter, and let me tell you, it's sexy.

My chittering informs me that we're chugging right along to the next flame mail, one that is "positively" hilarious!

From: Arthur R.T. Dickey
Subject: (no subject)

Wow.

A friend forwarded me your would-be hatchet job of Neverwinter nights. A pity that the reviewer didn't even have the wit to accurately confirm who had built the game, a fact that tells me volumes about the competence of the reviewer, and in what esteem I should hold their review. It's like a book review that slags the publisher for the writing, rather than the author, rather pathetic.

Arthur R.T. Dickey
Information Technology Administrator
Toronto People With AIDS Foundation
www.pwatoronto.org
adickey@pwatoronto.org
416-506-1400x35
"Making a Positive Difference"

Okay, I'm going to stay away from making the completely tasteless and obvious joke of turning the Toronto People With AIDS Foundation's motto into "Making a HIV-Positive Difference," because not only is that completely tasteless, but it's also... uh... well, obvious. Regardless, I feel pretty bad for any AIDS victims in Toronto because you've got a real braindead guy running your computer network. Maybe he's so dopey that he misspelled "Brain Damage" as "AIDS." I'm really hoping that's the case, because I don't want Arthur R.T. Dickey ruining my previously positive impression of AIDS victims. Haha, my impression was "positive," get it? Fine, that was tasteless and obvious too, you win, I'm going back home.

The next email message has been rated "R," so you parents might want to lock your kids in the closet with a bunch of snapping turtles while you read it. Of course the "R" stands for "Retarded," but I expect you already know this.

From: Dave Collier
Subject: Neverwinter Nights Review

Dear Jacktwat.

Your review sucked, but that's fine with me. I've no problem with people forming opinions, even if they are mis-informed, such as yours. But my real beef is with your blatant disrespect for the English language. I bet you're a typical Yank twat who thinks his bloated forefathers were speaking English before we, the actual English, were. If you're going to publish something on the realm of free media, try and make sure it is not insulting to my beloved English language.

"the movie "Dungeons and Dragons.""- Full stop(or period in Yank-speak) after the quotation marks please.

"Combat can take up two three minutes" - up to...not two. The only number in this sentence is "three". Retard.

"interesting at first in the fact" - due to the fact..."in the fact" is so wrong it makes me want to cry.

"shortsightedness" - short-sightedness please.

"Atari added in this" - Why even go to the trouble of adding the word "in"? Simply "added this" would have been correct. But no, being a stupid retard you had to go and add a word that make the sentence non-sensical to anyone who speaks English. Comprendez?

Those are just a few of many mistakes. It was a shocking review, but hopefully next time your grammer will not force me to associate your intelligence levels with those of President Dubya Bush. Nevertheless, you're both fags.

Yours Insultingly
Dave 'The Rave' Collier

Dear King of English,

You spelled "grammar" wrong.

Sincerely,
The Sweet Mocking Embrace of Death.

Hey wait a minute, wasn't Dave Collier the name of the guy from "Full House"? Uncle Joey? Wow, a celebrity! Say hi to the Olsen twins for us, Dave "The Raving Idiot" Collier!

Our next fan message comes straight from the gaping maw of "M1N0R 3V17," who you can tell is smart because he uses numbers instead of key letters in his name. He's a lot like the guy who invented the lightbulb, 4lb3rt 3d1s0n. That's humor once again, my friend!