The secret of the ooze.With a few weeks remaining until the July 15 premiere date, it's getting less and less likely that Hurl! is just an elaborate ruse. G4 unveiled the reality show on April 29, revealing that five contestants will gorge themselves on pot pie, Ambrosia salad and other menu items that lead to easy, colorful regurgitation. Once stuffed, they'll have their stomachs tested by a series of disorienting devices. Those who don't immediately upchuck will return to the buffet, then go for another ride on the equilibrium-jostling pendulums. The network predicted "you will be laying down friendly bets over a few beers with your peer group while watching men of a similar age and background spew on national television." G4's message-board posters unanimously disputed this prophecy.
Hurl! combines the chain-reaction dynamics of Stand by Me's Barf-O-Rama with the dated euphemistic terminology of Wayne's World, without the comic charm of either. The show's Web site, which attributes its concept to "the outrageousness found on the viral web" instead of actual vomit-inducing viruses, contains no splatter shots, but it still sets the stage for television's impending nadir. When confronted with the news of this program's approaching existence, Lowtax said the America of Idiocracy arrived about 500 years earlier than expected. (Which is true, but I'd much rather watch Ow! My Balls.) Hurl! contestants risk gastrointestinal distress and public filthiness for the chance at a measly $1,000, but they're still better paid than viewers/browsers, who endure physical revulsion and profound societal disillusionment without compensation.
Are we not allowed to be real parents anymore? We may have feared the CyborFreaks, but we damn well respected them and learned about boundaries.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.