Ghostbuster Gals, submitted by Paul. in the likely chance your house is haunted by the ghost of Norman Fell or – I shudder to think – the ghost of Don Knotts, who is still somewhat alive, then you might want to give these dumb, delusional broads a call:


Are you being bothered by.....
........pesky poltergeists?
…….continuing cold spots?
…….obnoxious odors ?
…….nonsensical noises?
Are Spirits getting you down?

Like most legitimate businesses, they reinforce their professionalism by presenting a solid website complete with more animated gifs than words and MIDI background music. Of course they have profound spiritual insight, although anybody can get that by reading books written by retarded con artists and crazy people, available for free rental at the local library.

I guess I'm a fool to doubt the veracity of the paranormal, since these ladies kindly offer empirical truth confirming once and for all the existence of ghosts. You can't fake pictures, and pictures are always 100% perfect, so these have to be a true sign of the bubbling spiritual undercurrent riding piggyback on the land of the living. You can also order items from these ethereal entrepreneurs, such as rocks, which I assume you can throw at ghosts while you run away screaming like a sissy.

I myself saw the movie "Ghost," so I am certainly qualified to knock the haunt out of your crypt. I refuse to work barns, though. Sorry Frolixo, but that den of terrors is yours alone to face. My rates are half of theirs, so long as you give me free beverages and allow me to court your beautiful daughter, provided she is of age. I'll also one up these crazy hags: I will not only tackle ghosts, but I'll remove any unwanted Jawas as well.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.