Notes, By P. M - S, submitted by Barry. Many people have said throughout the ages that the Lord works in mysterious ways. This website demonstrates that the Lord also works in really, really fucking stupid ways, particularly by sending angels to talk to some retard named "Peter" and convincing him that it's his destiny to marry Julia Roberts. Yes, that's correct, this is an entire website dedicated to the author's absolutely loony tunes conversations between himself and Jesus, chatting about how he needs to marry Julia Roberts.
Jesus: Don’t worry about your feelings.
9, 10, 97 Peter: The only difficulty is getting to Julia Roberts.
Jesus: No its not a difficulty.
10, 10, 97 I was at that moment thinking of Julia.
Jesus: Truth is, you’re allowed her if she wants you.
Mary: I trust you with Julia.
Mary: It was not your idea. Tell me what it was.
Peter: Something you suggested.
Jesus: I don’t tell you what to do.
11, 10, 97 Jesus: It is not a daydream.
Mary: You’re not quite aware, very simple. Trust me now.
17, 10, 97 Jesus: If she wants you, I didn’t say she wasn’t going to.
19, 10, 97 I was in my room and there was a large fly. I opened the door and went to the kitchen. As I went into the kitchen a fly went past me and out the window. Wondering if it was the same fly.
Jesus: No its not the same one.
Whew, thanks for those pro-tips there, Jesus! Hey J-Man, could you please email me and let me know what celebrity I'm supposed to marry? I'm horny as hell and I wouldn't mind boinking that girl who played "Six" on the "Blossom" show. Now she was fucking hot.
This VR game has become sentient and is killing us one by one. But is it art?
Nightwatch Brigade Insignia: Awarded for hiding in a coat closet and watching God's Not Dead, God's Not Dead 2, and Last Man Standing on a 1980s-era portable tv every night instead of sleeping
If you think Hitler was good, you've got another thing coming.
These tips are guaranteed to work. Nearly every time.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.