Laura Simpson: Animal Psychic, submitted by Finx. Global Psychics is a site full of crackpots willing to take your money from you for what amounts to a brief LARP session. Laura Simpson is special among these hucksters; she is a psychic who focuses her incredible power on animals instead of people. Like that Russian guy who stopped a frog's heart, only instead of your pet's heart it's their ass!
How ill[sic] you know if it's your pet talking? Typically your pet will send a smell to your senses along with a word or picture of what their request is. For example, my puppy Maxi wakes me up with a smell, as if she has soiled the carpet. She knows it will get me up to let her out. Usually the smell is no longer noticed after a step or two out of my bed. Then I hurry down the stairs before the smell becomes a reality.
Wow, Laura Simpson: Animal Fart Smeller! Way to go Laura! Every animal sends you the message that they're about to take a shit by sending you a smell of their ass about to take a shit. I wonder what sort of amazing ass-smelling services Laura can render?
A Chat Reading - a half hour reading with an animal communicator in our Chat room $60
So I set my cat on my keyboard, let it stomp out some letters, and then Laura tells me "your cat is confused" or maybe asks "what smell is your cat sending?" Then I would say "it smells like he had an accident!" and then she would say "I'M ON THE INTERNET! LOL ON AOL!" Then I would block her.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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