RETURN OF THE STAR GODS, submitted by Revolver Adam. Look out, because the Star Gods are coming this way!
NOTICE!...JUDGMENT DAY IS COMING SOON...THE DAY OF VENGEANCE OF OUR GOD IS COMING....BE PREPARED!...DROP EVERYTHING AND CHOOSE TO BE WORTHY AND APPROVED!...ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR GOD AND SAVIOR NOW!... THE RAPTURE IS COMING AND ONLY IN OUR ARK OF JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU ESCAPE....WHEN WE ARE TAKEN TO HEAVEN SATAN WILL SEND FORTH HIS STARGODS... SPACE ALIENS WILL THEN TAKE OVER THE WORLD IN UFOS AND WITH ADAVANCED TECHNOLOGY BRINGING FORTH THE THE GREATEST APOSTASY AND SUFFERING EVER KNOWN TO MANKIND...NOW IS THE HOUR!...LOOK UP BECAUSE JESUS IS COMING TO SAVE US WITH THE RAPTURE ... HE IS COMING TO TAKE US HOME!
That entire blob of text appears in the form of a tickertape parade that goes on forever. Unfortunately, that's just the very top of the page. This is right below:
Apparently Prince Charles is included because he is the Antichrist. I can't even begin to figure out how the British version of H. Ross Perot ended up being the antichrist, but then I'm no expert on magic, which is a form of evil, or the alien forces that serve magic. I did find the information on giants and god skeletons to be quite fascinating. I certainly don't envy the challenge a 36' tall man must have faced shopping for suits. But then with mind control influencing his every thought, they probably just sat around and made stew for the alien enslavers who work for the Antichrist who works for Satan.
Amid all the silliness is proof that we captured a Saddam look-alike, height charts for giants, RealMedia audio and video streams full of craziness, bizarre interpretations of current events, history, and the Bible, and a guestbook you can sign.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
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