Make characters from Star Wars your personal servants!, submitted by me. I might go a little overboard with my love for Star Wars, but I haven't gone the extra step and fantasized about having characters from the films enslaved for my personal pleasure. Apparently I'm missing out on the internet's quickest growing strategy game, a site on which players seem to trade characters to one another and punish them as they see fit. It may sound weird, but let's take a look at a sample slave biography just to be sure:
Current Attitude: compliant
Physical attractiveness: 1% - Repulsive
Maintenance cost: 5000 credits. Rebel food.
Ranking: This servant has been traded 505 times
Which ranks this servant 389th out of 615 indentures.
Most recent punishment: UnderEli had Frank Poole give Porkins a good spanking!
Personal Services performed for employer: back massages
When bad, this character is disciplined by: dancing, not working
Oh Porkins, you lovable lardassed rebel scum. One of these days you will be mine, and through dance I shall teach you the errors of your ways.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.