Hercolubus!!, submitted by scrump. Boy have I got news for you! As of this instant, Earth is going to continue to be in extreme danger! It's not because of George Bush or terrorists or reality TV, but rather an amazing red planet called Hercolubus. You see, this Hercolubus is more massive than a fatass Jupiter, and packs a gravitational punch capable of tearing our planet to smithereens.
"We are going to talk about Hercolubus, or Red Planet, which is approaching Earth. According to some accounts, scientists have even weighed it, and they say it weighs so many tons and has a certain diameter as if it were a child’s toy. But this is not the case. Hercolubus, or Red Planet, is five or six times larger than Jupiter; a huge giant that nothing can stop or divert."
All we can do now is pray, and perhaps try to reason with Hercolubus. All I know is that we simply cannot give in and let this mammoth consume the world we plan to leave to our children. Please Hercolubus, have mercy on us!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
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