Mark of the Beast is MONEY, submitted by sinewriter. I looked at this computer screen page and let me tell you folks, my mind was blown. Well I mean I wanted to blow my mind out of my skull with a shotgun because this crazy broad's computer screen is absolutely gong crazy insane. What the hell does any of this shit mean? Satan is living inside our money? The CIA killed JFK? LSD is "God's gift to humanity"? Let me tell you something lady: you shutting the fuck up is god's gift to humanity, and Christmas is coming up soon so that jerk better deliver PRONTO.

If enough people took LSD we would have peace, no money (or poverty), laws, international boundary-lines. People would refuse to work at bogus jobs buy, for and because of the almighty Devil Dollar. As you may know, there is not much talk about LSD anymore. The federal government cracked down on manufacturers by tracing precursor chemicals. There are rumors that North Korea is supplying LSD. I'd like to convince Libya's populist leader, Muammar Gadaffi, into manufacturing LSD for free and legal distribution. Gadaffi also believes in eliminating money. (A powerful, mind-expanding, prioritizing, civilizing dose could be manufactured for about the same price as aspirin.)

15 U.S. Presidents were Masons (Ronald Reagan was an “Honorary Member”). 33 Justices of the Supreme Court were Masons. Famous Jewish Masons include Irving Berlin, George Gershwin, David Sarnoff, Ernest Borgnine, Eddie Cantor and Harry Houdini.

OH HOLY SHIT, ERNEST BORGNINE AND HARRY HOUDINI ARE RUNNING AMERICA AND THE CIA AND THE NSA!!! What the hell is this shit? Am I really supposed to believe the insane ravings of some hopped up, pill-popping 50-year old hippie psychopath who insinuates Jewish composers rule the world? LISTEN HERE YOU NUT, I DIDN'T FIGHT AGAINST THE ROBOT JAPS IN KOREA FOR THE US OF A JUST SO YOU COULD SHIT ALL OVER A FLAG AND CALL IT A GOVERNMENTAL CONSPIRACY BUDDY! I ain't abolishing money but I am sending a long series of letters to my congressman telling him to remove this crap Interweb computer screen from my face or else I'll throw the entire Internet down a flight of stairs and beat the hell out of whoever is in charge of running it.

– Cliff "Cliff Yablonski" Yablonski

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.