FELLOWSHIP OF JUGGALOS, submitted by Kaptain Kill. Not to rain on anybody's parade here, but I have a shocking revelation to announce throughout the world: YOU ARE NOT IN AN EXCLUSIVE CLUB JUST BECAUSE YOU WEAR MAKEUP AND LISTEN TO RAP MUSIC. Here's something even more Earth-shattering: YOU ARE NOT IN AN EXCLUSIVE CLUB BECAUSE YOU ARE AN UNEMPLOYED WHITE PERSON WHO DRESSES LIKE A CLOWN. The "Fellowship of Juggalos" takes this brand of redneck idiocy a few hundred steps even further, comparing their lust for untalented white trash shit rap music to a religious experience. While I'm sure drinking discount soda, wearing women's makeup, and watching VHS copies of backyard wrestling while popping in the newest Insane Clown Posse CD must be an absolutely breathtaking experience ranking up there with singlehandedly destroying the moon, I somehow fail to see the relationship it has to an organized religion, except possibly for the repressed blatant homosexuality.
The mission of the Fellowship of Juggalos is to give back what Greed has taken and to Unite the Family once more... To prove to the world that Strength comes in numbers... To show our voice of Peace to those who are open-minded enough to hear it... The Fellowship made a commitment to the Juggalo Family to help every Juggalo Emotionally, Socially, and Financially... As a Fellowship we help each other Emotionally by providing a shoulder to cry on... We can also help each other Socially by reducing hate and fear and by showing the world the merciful side of the Carnival... Finally we can help each other by pulling ourselves out of the Financial hole that we sit in on a daily basis...
Let's hope this "family" goes the way of the Jim Jones family sometime soon. Just tell them the Kool Aid is Faygo! They won't be able to tell with all that white clown semen crap in their eyes!
PS: Hahaha, they have an entire forum dedicated to Juggalo sermons. Oh yeah, I really wanted some moist, obese, makeup wearing blob of white trash to lecture me on how to live my life the TRU NINJA JUGGALO way. Gee "†…Rev_Wicked_Wyatt…†©," I really want to covet my "ninja's" significant other, what should I do? Ha ha, I am of course kidding, you can tell that I'm not a real Juggalo because I know how to spell the word "significant." And the word "other." And my own name. I guess I really shouldn't be so mean and prejudice against Insane Clown Posse fans. I mean, they aren't all bad. For example, there are the ones who get really depressed and commit suicide. They're fine by me.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.