This article is part of the That Insidious Beast series.
Ever notice that way-silly little gray button that appears on your TV when you're trying to enjoy your favorite shows? You know the one. That pesky little infodot. Message about this or that. Important info. Safety Broadcasts to Ensure Your Bodily Pleasure. What sort of slop they'll be serving up at the zone hall before your morning patrol.
The zone and fed government could never get anything as simple as the morning menu wrong could they? HA! Ye of too much faith!
The only thing more screwed up than the zone admins are the feds and half the time the infodots you'll see don't even make sense or look like they were typed up by a real dope!
I've collected some of the funniest here on my web page. Hope you enjoy!!!!
What do the Infodots Mean?
Duh, dummy! Why do you think they're even called infodots? The Info one comes up the most. Just stupid facts that they get wrong all the time or trivia about the TV show you're watching. Your TV can store them or you can save them if you want. Never sure how many, guess it depends on which of the three TVs you own. VERDICT: INFODUH!
Depends on your zone or town, but you can get either a lot of these or not very many. I don't get hardly any but Matty in Utah-9 says he gets Zone Messages all the time. Updates about where to get food or who has been added to the community warning list. If your zone has a lot of menaces you might get them too but probably you'll just get regular menace dots. VERDICT: INFODOPES!
The President and the Federal Wardens put these out. As far as I can tell they're a bunch of stupid crap like "guess what we just found and exterminated a new kind of unfolder in Texas" or "all helidynes are ground committed today due to ammonia cyclones." Like anybody knows what that means. I guess that sort of craziness is for the Arbies. VERDICT: DUMBEST OF ALL???
We used to get fire menace dots all the time before the aqueduct opened. Back then it was dry all the time and some sort of weird bug that was on fire would come out of the Arbies and set everything on fire. Or more likely it was just Donny or Loops lighting another firecracker where they shouldn't be. These days everything is good thanks to the Federal Acqueduct. VERDICT: NOT DUMB!
You get this one all the time, but it's usually nothing but some guy yelling cuss words out in the street or some naked kid wandering around covered in blood. Supposedly there are people that don't believe in the True and Living Salvation of the Host of Angels. I've never met them. VERDICT: DUMB INFODOT!
The last time a serious one of these came up was when Alaska happened. Mostly it's just some guy with a tan being mistook for a refugee or some soldier wandered out of the Arbies moaning for water. Chinese eaters and Yerps sometimes get called in, but I don't think they really exist. I know the Russkies aren't real. VERDICT: USUALLY WRONG AND DUMB!
Dad fought along side the Yerps against the Unfolders before the Yerps turned away from the True and Living Salvation of the Host of Angels and embraced all that other stuff they tell you to stay away from. He says you got to take unfolders seriously. Personally, I take them as a joke because this message is always wrong. When was the last time you saw an unfolder in person? Yeah, exactly. VERDICT: FAKE AND STOOOOPID!
This one is really weird. I've only seen it once myself but a couple other people say they have seen it. Matty said he saw it once the same night they heard that weird trumpet sound and then the night sky to the south went green with fire. I saw it the day a shadow went over our neighborhood even though there was nothing in the sky. It was weird. But then it went away and later some soldiers and scientists and preachers came. VERDICT: ????
Classic pick up lines for the sleazebag who tends to overthink things.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.