Milk Gone Wild, submitted by Infinite. PETA continues its effort to turn everything good in the world into something bad. They’ve covered meat (murder), furs (murder), pet owning (slavery) and now they’re moving on to the dairy industry. Corn on the cob and potatoes, your time is coming!
This time around PETA has created a parody of the Girls Gone Wild video advertisements that, well, I’ll let you see it for yourself.
The site also features a delightful Q&A session that includes a heavy dose of fact-free hysteria. My personal favorite is the question about ice cream.
But my kids love milk and ice cream!
Really? What is it exactly that they love? The pus content? The bloated, gassy feeling? The zits? Or could it be the allergies? Cow’s milk is the number one cause of allergies, according to the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology.
Holy shit, maybe they love how absolutely fucking delicious ice cream tastes? Could it be, PETA? If a leper sore secreted ambrosia am I supposed to suddenly throw all of my ambrosia in a bin when you tell me? The last time I checked ice cream tastes awesome and doesn’t make me sick so I am going to go with “shut up.”
Besides, gross-out tactics are moronic when it comes to food, because you could wheel out disgusting-sounding facts about any food. Red M&Ms? The red coloring is derived from insect carapaces. Canned mushrooms? Fifty maggot eggs per serving. Yet I manage to eat mushrooms and M&Ms without gagging. Fancy that!
As for the video, it just gives me a strange longing for a nice glass of squealing coed breast milk. Not from those creepy udder things, just genuine human breast milk. Make it a double.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
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