Tea With Nikki, submitted by 4port. This site is run by a hideous man / woman-beast that identifies itself as "Nikki" and offers to serve up tea, which I hope will be splashed scalding hot against my eyes and eardrums to both blind and deafen me. "Nikki" looks like a cross between an NBA allstar and a tapeworm shoved into women's lingerie. Plenty of horrid midi here as well. What a multimedia treat!

The three of us went back to the club house in the garage. "Come on let's play dress up," my sister told him. He looked at the clothes and hesitated. "Here, let me help you," my sister said as she unbuckled his belt. He stood there kind of in shock for a second. As he did, my sister pulled of his shirt and started to pull down his pants. He stood there in his underware and his pants down to his ankles.

WHAT?!? NO!!! I... good lord, no, this must be stopped. Please, if anyone knows how to get in touch with this "Nikki," please perform an intervention, cram a NASCAR shirt onto this freak, and put us all out of our misery. If he-she-it won't listen to reason, then for God's sake notify the police.

PS: The only alternative would be to try and convince whatever it is to reform its ways by leaving a helpful note in its guestbook.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.