The Soap Review Page, submitted by James. Like most Americans, I can't tell Irish Spring from Dial from Zest. Hell, they all taste the same to me. But thankfully for confused people like me, there is this wonderful soap review site to clean things up real nice! Why yes, this is just one more candy sprinkle on the metaphorical cake that represents how crotchdarn pointless the Internet is! While reading some of the reviews, such as this review for the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers soap, I couldn't help but feel I was reading erotic soap fan fiction:
When wet, the soap becomes EXTREMELY greasy, almost Crisco-like in nature. The lather, which also has a lardish quality to it, is very thick and a light, almost imperceptible blue. I personally enjoy the lather, and think it would make a good lubricant; however, I could easily see someone turning away from it in disgust. The lather rinses from the hands easily, but gets into the crevices of the face and looks really disgusting. When the soap dries again, it is coated with a milky film, and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that it will leave a huge helping of soap scum. Id did leave my hands vey soft, though.
Okay, so that wasn't very erotic. But unless you have some kind of sick soap fetish, you probably shouldn't be looking for that sort of thing. Still, I couldn't help but imagine that playful slut Zest taking a dip in the Irish Spring! Oh yeah, that's the stuff. Clean me up real nice!
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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