17CrazyFox.com - This is one of those terrible "make 70 thousand dollars a month... from home!" companies that advertise on late night tv. Not content to pluck cash from the pockets of clueless dolts through the use of fake poolside testimonials like all the other success kit infomercials, Crazy Fox goes the extra step by scaring people into submission with this horrifying mascot:
Look at that thing. His bone structure just seems all wrong and his fur is a matted mix of every brown and red crayon that every kid was too scared to use. Maybe he's supposed to be undead? His forced expression gives off a distinct vibe that says, "please kill me, and this time incinerate my body so I don't wake up to this nightmare again".
He's even more disturbing in motion, so try to catch the ads on late night ESPN if you can. That fox is every bit as blurry and artifact-riddled as he appears above while he interacts with real life objects and people in the commercial, which elevates the whole thing to a whole new level of satanic madness.
You've got to love all the cheesy websites popping up with numbers in their urls, too. Why yes, owner of 38reallygoodlawyer.com, I would consider hiring you to defend my life in an upcoming trial. You come highly recommended by my physician, who I found through 928actualdoctor.com.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.