America's Model Miss (thanks Stef) - There isn't much in this world creepier than pre-teen beauty pageants. The hideous-looking (and sounding) website for America's Model Miss suggests that, "girls just want to have fun." I would counter that their winner's gallery shows girls having about as much fun as they might on the killing floor of a hog farm.

Aren't they radiant?

0-35 NOVICE SUPREME
ANSLEY RHINEHART

"Darrrren, Ansley done messed herself again while I'm doing up her hair. Can y'all fetch me her diaper bag and some more of that foundation?"

I love how some of them are maybe eight and they already have the weary fake smiles of women in their late 20s. For them it has been a lifetime of pageantry and their bodies are worn out in strange ways that make them appear inhuman.

7-8 Beauty Queen
Maddie Cummings

She looks like she should be reading copy about a terrorist torture manual for Fox News or maybe huddling in the entryway of a nail salon on her lunch break trying to light a Newport .

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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