Do you love semi-barbaric traditions, but hate actually feeling like a barbarian? Well, good news! Lucky Break (and only Lucky Break, judging from the many documents pertaining to their recent court cases) has the product for you! Designed to solve that nasty "not enough wishbones!" problem that no one ever has, the Lucky Break Wishbone is here to revolutionize the way we think about tearing bone apart in hopes that the gods will grant one of us another bountiful harvest!
So yeah, incredibly stupid product generally means incredibly hilarious Web site. It's a tried and true formula. There's all the justification for a completely superfluous product you can imagine, including a long-winded, nostalgia-tinged backstory in which Our Hero The Inventor creates a plastic wishbone so everyone can celebrate the wonderful joys of superstition and also make him rich in the process. As an added bonus, you're going to get a number of completely terrible puns, including but not limited to "There's NO FOWL so there's NO FOUL."
Wondering when you could possibly use this? Thank God he included a list of acceptable times to use the Lucky Break wishbone, including bridal showers and "Made in the USA"-themed gift baskets, which I guess exist! Hell, there are even customizable Lucky Break Wishbones! Jewish? Get a blue one! Alcoholic? Get one with the Bud Light logo on it! Seriously!
That's not to say the site is completely useless: There's an interesting little PDF that uses REAL PHYSICS AND MEASURING EQUIPMENT to explain how wishbones work, which is interesting for about as long as it takes to download the damn thing. It also provides this mind-teaser, a delightful sentence I still can't wrap my head around:
"Thanks to a revolutionary advance in plastic wishbone technology, making your wishes come true is a snap with our 99.999% realistic synthetic LUCKY BREAK® WISHBONES! "
The site also lets you know where you can find these glorious littletoysACCORDING TO THE DISCLAIMER, THESE DISPOSABLE PIECES OF PLASTIC DESIGNED TO ENTERTAIN ARE DEFINITELY NOT TOYS things. Worried about hurting the environment? Buy one at Whole Foods! Is your kid having a Thanksgiving party and didn't tell you about it until the day before? I'm sure they'll have a ton at Party City! Feel like spending money to make a vague ironic statement? Pick one up at Urban Outfitters! But wherever you go, remember - you heard about it here first! Maybe.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.