The Oregon Liquor Control Commission maintains its own spartan Web site, at which prospective bartenders can familiarize themselves with liquor laws and apply for a license. However, the OLCC struggles with "reduced staffing levels," so they've outsourced some of the alcohol service education classes to private contractors like Bob and Sam. You can tell these guys aren't running some stuffy bureaucratic site by the way you're greeted with a female avatar informing you "we are the cheapest and by far the most fun class you can take." Whoo, yeah, liquor class party!
"Don't trust your career, house and finances to reading a screen or watching a video," warns the recorded message. Instead, trust them to a crudely animated woman who speaks in robotic phonetics! The site, apparently designed by a '90s middle-schooler who'd been drastically overserved, overflows with goofy GIFs and unclickable links (lost your permit? This penguin won't help!). But as chintzy as everything looks, the class works, judging by these testimonials:
"I enjoyed what I thought would have been a very boring." -- Melissa
"Learned many info about alcohol and law." -- Anonymous
"Great job. Time went fast. Questions came up." -- John
"Wasn't as bad as school." -- Anonymous
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
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