RiffTrax uses the slogan "we don't make movies, we make them funny!" By contrast, the guy behind Retard Card selects baseball cards that are already funny, then diminishes the humor value with his witless commentary. Retard Card Dave rehashes his "I'm sure that signature is really valuable" quip whenever he encounters a no-name player's autograph. Other specialties include dispensing no-shit trivia ("As if the name Randy Johnson wasn't phallic enough, his nickname is 'The Big Unit!'") and engaging in sub-sitcom wordplay ("Mike Sweeney. Get it?! Mike's weeney!")
Dave probably does a better job than anyone on the Internet at compiling the baseball cards of players in these categories: a) ugly, with gross facial hair b) dick jokes can be made from their names c) combination of "a" and "b." As for his writing approach, at least he goes with "less is more," but it's probably time for "any is too fucking much."
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.