As anyone who's ever listened to Scandinavian metal knows, the life of a Viking can be pretty fucking intense. Vikings are always sounding the horn of bronze and flashing the silver hammer and embracing the endless ocean. There aren't many full-time Viking jobs these days, due to the collapse of the pillaging industry. But you can still freelance!

"When asked 'what do you do?' I usually reply 'I'm a freelance Viking.""

Meet Wayland, a grizzly bushcrafter who stuffs his hobo stove with pine cones and stokes fires with a blow poker. This might seem like a string of whimsical nonsense words, but unlike most of the crap featured in this section, Wayland's site could save your life if you get stranded in a forest. "Why can't I remember those survival tips from that burly outdoorsman?" you might lament while using a blow poker in an ineffective, non-Wayland-approved manner.

I assume the people who submitted this site just wanted me to know how awesome it was, so, thanks. If I ever brave the woods to check in with Gaahl, I'll give Wayland a call. You can visit his site, but leave no trace. Or do, whichever.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

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