As anyone who's ever listened to Scandinavian metal knows, the life of a Viking can be pretty fucking intense. Vikings are always sounding the horn of bronze and flashing the silver hammer and embracing the endless ocean. There aren't many full-time Viking jobs these days, due to the collapse of the pillaging industry. But you can still freelance!

"When asked 'what do you do?' I usually reply 'I'm a freelance Viking.""



Meet Wayland, a grizzly bushcrafter who stuffs his hobo stove with pine cones and stokes fires with a blow poker. This might seem like a string of whimsical nonsense words, but unlike most of the crap featured in this section, Wayland's site could save your life if you get stranded in a forest. "Why can't I remember those survival tips from that burly outdoorsman?" you might lament while using a blow poker in an ineffective, non-Wayland-approved manner.

I assume the people who submitted this site just wanted me to know how awesome it was, so, thanks. If I ever brave the woods to check in with Gaahl, I'll give Wayland a call. You can visit his site, but leave no trace. Or do, whichever.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.