Sometimes, owning a really expensive sports car can seem like more trouble than it's worth. You can cruise through town and show it off, but if you park on a city street, you're courting disaster. You can park it in a garage to keep it safe from the elements, but if you close your garage door, you're running the risk that people -- maybe that person you most wanted to impress -- won't see your fabulous automobile. Who's looking out for the beleaguered car-fetishizing exhibitionist? Vanilla Ice! With partner Hans Reinisch, he's created TheCarLoft, a "social garage" that lets you drive into your living room and keep your car there, on display, perhaps with a classy painting on the wall to complement it.
Vanilla Ice calls TheCarLoft "the most innovative, newest thing you've ever seen!" He also calls it "cool as ice," because he still says shit like that. Moving from vague superlatives to bizarre specifics, TheCarLoft "gives the group of peers the chance to drive their precious vehicles around to corner for easy 'viewing' time." (It's really, really difficult to imagine the phrase "precious vehicles" being spoken in a tone other than "contemptuous and patronizing.") And displaying his cutting-edge comprehension of Internet technology, Vanilla promises that "the Member log-in to its own website and 'face book' feature will connect owners all over the 'Americas' in one 'special gathering place.'" Well, what are you waiting for, you "extraordinary and different" exotic-car enthusiasts? "Get your unit today and get riding!"
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.