Sometimes, owning a really expensive sports car can seem like more trouble than it's worth. You can cruise through town and show it off, but if you park on a city street, you're courting disaster. You can park it in a garage to keep it safe from the elements, but if you close your garage door, you're running the risk that people -- maybe that person you most wanted to impress -- won't see your fabulous automobile. Who's looking out for the beleaguered car-fetishizing exhibitionist? Vanilla Ice! With partner Hans Reinisch, he's created TheCarLoft, a "social garage" that lets you drive into your living room and keep your car there, on display, perhaps with a classy painting on the wall to complement it.


Vanilla Ice calls TheCarLoft "the most innovative, newest thing you've ever seen!" He also calls it "cool as ice," because he still says shit like that. Moving from vague superlatives to bizarre specifics, TheCarLoft "gives the group of peers the chance to drive their precious vehicles around to corner for easy 'viewing' time." (It's really, really difficult to imagine the phrase "precious vehicles" being spoken in a tone other than "contemptuous and patronizing.") And displaying his cutting-edge comprehension of Internet technology, Vanilla promises that "the Member log-in to its own website and 'face book' feature will connect owners all over the 'Americas' in one 'special gathering place.'" Well, what are you waiting for, you "extraordinary and different" exotic-car enthusiasts? "Get your unit today and get riding!"

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.