Food comprises the chewy and sedentary center of every goon. We have fat goons and goons with spoons and goons who build meatships.

Goons love food. And, as in all relationships, often that which we love is that which hurts us the most. In this week's Goldmine, forum goon TheJoker138 shares with us some Horrors of Food, where fisheyes are eaten, maggots hide around every bend of a cereal box, and Norwegians should not be allowed to handle fish because they are a broken and disturbed people living in eternal fear of the sun. Bon appetit!



TheJoker138

Eating, it's something we all do, every day. Unless of course you're anorexic or something, in which case, I'm afraid this thread is not for you. As something we do every day, sometimes it can go horribly, horribly wrong.

For instance, I was about 12 years old or so, and I had just bought a box of Reese's Puffs from the store. The idea of eating candy for breakfast blew my fucking mind, and I was hyped as hell. Still bright eyed, and bushy tailed, not even close to the wreck of a human being I am these days. I got home, and immediately tore into that shit. I poured myself a bowl, and went to the fridge to get some milk for it. I came back, and stared into the bowl...and the bowl stared at right back at me.

My Reese's Puffs cereal was full of maggots. On that day, my childhood ended, and my innocence was forever lost. I didn't eat any cereal for years, and still can hardly look at Reese's Puffs without getting sick to my stomach.

So, what food horror stories do you guys have?


tripwood

To start this thread right...



henpod

I remember being at some super posh hotel in Mauritius ( I lived there for a while and we would go and use hotel facilities for free), and upon a beautiful, high-laden salad bowl crawled out the biggest cockroach I have ever seen. It then proceeded to shit out a delightful mess of eggs onto a lettuce leaf, before crawling back into the folds of salad.



Robot Lincoln

When I was about 8 years old, I was visiting my Uncle's farm in rural Iceland, spending the day playing with my cousins and checking out their adorable sheep. We all go in for dinner, and they set out the main course:


Boiled sheep's head.

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.