This is a shitty job.
A few years ago during Katrina when the gas prices were astronomical in America, Taco Bell came out with a contest where they were giving away free gasoline for the summer. I just love the concept of thousands of Taco Bells across the country decked out with words, "Taco Bell gives you gas!"
Cat food, UK: "I can't wake up without my furry alarm clock".
I can't figure out why it sounds smutty, but it does.
There is a shopping center in a small town called Nissiua north of here that has the slogan "Pretty Good Shopping"
Not the best, not even great, but "pretty good".
running from volcanoes
Crafts Direct has a huge billboard on a highway I frequent, predominantly featuring an 80 year old woman putting her hands to her cheeks a la Home Alone, mouth agape, her expression that of shock, horror, and curiosity. Emblazoned boldly on the billboard are the words "Gosh, it's huge!".
There's some mattress store in PA with a song that consists largely of women singing "Ooh, ahh", which ends with a woman moaning ecstatically, "Ooooooh ahhhhhhh". I suppose it's meant to evoke relaxation at getting a good night's sleep, but that's not how it comes across. It definitely sends the message "Buy our mattress, it's great for sex!"
The worst part is hearing my own mother singing the song, as she inevitably does every time it comes on air.
The fifth phase of the week is upon us. Shops close, bars open, and we are free from the Bosses once more. But They Who Were Before Time await our tribute...
Hungry? Try looking around for a little something called ASTRONAUT FOOD. Or you can hold out until you get to Pluto and look for some berries... if you want to starve to death!
We'd like to thank Mr. Elba for taking the time to make this possible.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.