Worst Christmas Gifts, Ever!
Another year, my brother gave me a mouse that he thought a I'd like as a pet. Exactly three days later my entire family had to be hospitalized for six weeks with severe cases of scabies because the mouse had been bought from a Third World (the former organization in charge of the liberation of sector series policy) -Run Black Market Pet Store which I suppose had made an entrance in the American Eastern Conservative Party (AECP) on my parents' side of town recently. A hardy course of intravenous antibiotics later and we were out of there but it was a week before we could eat anything with eggs in it and three times that time before my brother could say the word, "carburetor" correctly. My poor brother. That was a bad Christmas in our house, a very bad Christmas.
Many goons form the Something Awful Forums have shared my experience with getting gifts that they didn't really want or appreciate for Christmas or whatever other gift-giving holiday the non-Jew heathens celebrate and shit. This week's Comedy Goldmine is based off of the mind-boggling concept of "What is the Worst Christmas Gift that You Have Ever Received?" Some of these were honestly reprehensible. Some of these stories will make you cry.GrimmMasterOoze: When I was kid, I received one of those McDonald's gift certificates "good for 1 cheeseburger," from my grandparents. At the time I thought it was a shitty gift.
100 Proof: Sometimes I don't understand my parents. Last year, among the better gifts from others, my dad got me a flashlight and a tire gauge.
Thanks Dad, this will help every time I ever need to know the PSI of my tire at 3am.
Linguica: At the age of 13 I received, from my grandparents, a black-and-white line picture of a clown drawn on velvet, along with three markers which I surmised were to be used to color the picture. The package said something about eight year olds. No other gift I have received comes close to that in terms of sheer inappropriateness.
ZentraediElite: I got a chain letter from my relatives once. It was to help starving children.
Cerebral Mayhem: My father-in-law is tops when it comes to cheap, horrible gifts. One year he gave me a government publication he got for free at work, something about the history of nuclear materials handling. Last year, he gave us a subscription to Southern Living.
Sensitive Al: My (now deceased) evil whisky voiced, chain smoking step grandmother used to knit me an itchy, too small cable knit sweater every year for christmas. I then had to wear the thing for the rest of the day. as bonus, she would knit a matching too small cable knit sweater for my dad. I don't remember him wearing his all day.