Hey a secret clod of dirt!
What did I expect when I went to work for Something Awful? I expected it to be fun. And it is! It keeps me busy too. This is the next series I am working on:

If you ever wonder what I do all day I'm either drawing or animating. When I get free time I take long walks, listen to old music, or play old video games. There seems to be many that have a sick fascination with me. I don't know why. I'm not all that interesting. I've always hated the idea of "internet celebrity." I think you know these types. The kind of people who think they're hot shit and make the whole world their livejournal.

"Hey baby. I'm on a little thing called 'the internet.' Ever heard of it? Of course you have. Oh this shirt? It's from my website. Yes, I have a website. Where ya goin' baby?"
I never want to be lumped in with those people so I keep my real life and internet life separate. I'm very social, and my real life friends know I draw, but as far as what I do for a living I keep that secret. It isn't important who I am. When people say they love ME I correct them. Love my cartoons, not me. That's like the opposite of today's "internet humorists" who strive for attention. Oh hey look there's the creator of Donald's Wacky Humor Site on NBC! Wow, he's famous!
I can't play the games of today. I don't "get" them and they're too expensive. As of right now I have 330 NES carts. I also just got myself a Sega Master System recently. Not bad. Technically more advanced, but the NES kind of blows it away. I also got something called a Unisonic Tournament 2000. It's supposed to come with this realistic looking rifle, but it didn't. I guess that's why I got it for so cheap.

This is the greatest image in existance.
- Shmorky
This Week on Something Awful...
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Safe House; The Vow; Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace; Shame; A Dangerous Method
Current Releases
No-one is safe, except for you. Safe from bad movies that is, thanks to our life-saving reviews.
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How To Make Someone Cry
Features / Articles
Maybe if I wore a cape and ran around someone's living room they'd start weeping violently.
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Historical Figure Hats / British Judge Wigs!
Photoshop Phriday
Hats? On people?! Wigs? On judges?! Whatever, weirdos.
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Aliens Unlimited: Galaxy Guide (1997)
WTF, D&D!?
Steve and Zack encounter unknown creatures in Palladium's guide to Aliens Unlimited.
