Hey a secret clod of dirt!
What did I expect when I went to work for Something Awful? I expected it to be fun. And it is! It keeps me busy too. This is the next series I am working on:

If you ever wonder what I do all day I'm either drawing or animating. When I get free time I take long walks, listen to old music, or play old video games. There seems to be many that have a sick fascination with me. I don't know why. I'm not all that interesting. I've always hated the idea of "internet celebrity." I think you know these types. The kind of people who think they're hot shit and make the whole world their livejournal.

"Hey baby. I'm on a little thing called 'the internet.' Ever heard of it? Of course you have. Oh this shirt? It's from my website. Yes, I have a website. Where ya goin' baby?"
I never want to be lumped in with those people so I keep my real life and internet life separate. I'm very social, and my real life friends know I draw, but as far as what I do for a living I keep that secret. It isn't important who I am. When people say they love ME I correct them. Love my cartoons, not me. That's like the opposite of today's "internet humorists" who strive for attention. Oh hey look there's the creator of Donald's Wacky Humor Site on NBC! Wow, he's famous!
I can't play the games of today. I don't "get" them and they're too expensive. As of right now I have 330 NES carts. I also just got myself a Sega Master System recently. Not bad. Technically more advanced, but the NES kind of blows it away. I also got something called a Unisonic Tournament 2000. It's supposed to come with this realistic looking rifle, but it didn't. I guess that's why I got it for so cheap.

This is the greatest image in existance.
- Shmorky
This Week on Something Awful...
-
The Top Ten Albums of 2009...
Garbage Day
...in the soon-to-be-published opinions of other critics, most of whom are wrong.
-
Improper Ganda!
Photoshop Phriday
Propaganda! Don't believe what you see, don't believe what you read.
-
LEVI SAYS RELAX
Johnston Checks In
Levi Johnston responds to more of Sarah Palin's attacks as his alter ego, Ricky Hollywood.
-
Burrito!! Doritos!! Fiesta!! Antipasto!!
AwfulVision
This week: a video so bad, not even Glenn Danzig can save it. Abandon all hope, ye who enter.

Something Awful has been mocking itself and the internet since 1999, bringing you reviews of the worst movies, video games, and websites to ever exist. If it's something and it's awful, it's probably on Something Awful, where the internet makes you stupid.