Retro SWAT 4
Zack: Oh man, it's like the good witch version of that other girl. Much less formal as well. It almost looks like a golden-armed spider is reaching out to grab her from behind.
Lowtax: Zack "Preppy" Morris in drag and being attacked by a golden centipede. Oh man, that's two "Saved by the Bell" references in one update. That should be illegal.
Zack: There are laws on the books but since Saved By the Bell was cancelled I think only Screech's Law is still commonly enforced. That's the one where you get sent to Uzbekistan if you make a joke about Mario Lopez raping Dustin Diamond in a public restroom.
Lowtax: I think she was watching a bunch of Hawaiian Hula dancers, and one of their leis flew off and stuck to her awesome sweatshirt, which as far as I can tell, is composed entirely of industrial strength glue.
Zack: Yeah, she's going to have a lot of trouble getting that fist off her hip. She's keeping her other hand on her head to make sure it doesn't get mired in the glue.
Lowtax: I'd like to find the man who came up with the glue wardrobe and give them a big pat on the back. Figuratively, of course.
Zack: Oh, like the creator wears the glue shirts. Do you think the guy who came up with hair shirts wore those? It's a form of torture, not something you would want to wear for fashion purposes. By the end of the day this girl is going to look like the bottom of a coin tray in a taxicab, covered with grime, pennies, cigarette ash, and pubic hair.
Lowtax: The first line of clothing exclusively created to clean taxi cabs. Somehow I don't see this selling all that well. Somebody apparently also shot a round of silver projectiles at her, but luckily the glue shirt caught them all before they could hit a major hair artery.
Zack: It's great if you're a parent and you want to know if your kid somersaults even though you told them not to. You'll find them at the bottom of a hill still rolled into a ball and covered with grass and leaves.
Lowtax: Everything about this picture screams "Texas." I don't know what it is.
Zack: I think it looks more like the Florida panhandle turned on its side. Or Africa. Maybe the glue is supposed to catch AIDS.
Lowtax: Then wouldn't the glue be on the inside of the shirt?
Zack: No, it's supposed to protect you in case an AIDS person explodes in a shower of blood or something. That's what happens, right? Like in Max Headroom?
Lowtax: Damn it Zack, that was my best zinger of the night and you just completely glossed over it. I'm turning the glue shirt on myself.
Zack: Don't do it!
Lowtax: By this time tomorrow, you will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if I did any somersaults.