Retro SWAT 6
Dr. Thorpe: Have you ever seen "The Warriors?"
Zack: No, although just from what I know these guys would have been the first gang to get their asses kicked.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, the friendly fisherman gang wouldn't stand a chance.
Zack: These pants make them all look like centaurs. Like their upper bodies are attached to something completely inappropriate and disproportionate.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, I'm glad they don't cut jeans like that anymore. Can you imagine how long it would take to zip up a fly like that? You'd have to wake up fifteen minutes earlier just to compensate for extra zipping time.
Zack: Hell, you would have to put them on in a pressure chamber and if you sat down in a chair you would instantly pass out.
Dr. Thorpe: "Sorry I'm late, I hit a snag in my zipper and I had to sit on hold with technical support for half an hour." And the boss would totally understand, because it happens to everyone.
Zack: I guess these are the pants to wear if you ever have a terrible wound in your lower extremities.
Dr. Thorpe: Yeah, see the guy leaning against the boat? That's about as sat-down as people get in those things. If you sit down any further, you get chopped in half by the waist.
Zack: I love their layaway program. 20 weeks and you can own this tank top!
Dr. Thorpe: Well, sometimes people with the kind of severe hernias that make pants like this necessary have a lot of medical expenses, so they can't afford to buy medical pants all at once.
Zack: Were pounds sterling worth like 100 dollars or did people just make like 50 cents a week back when this photograph was taken? A person just walking around looking for change on the sidewalk could afford to pay off one of those shirts in about two hours.
Dr. Thorpe: Maybe they don't have goodwill shops in England, so they have special clothing companies that cater to the extremely, extremely poor.
Zack: The extremely poor with dreams of forming a beach bum gang. "Oy, step off yank, these here yachts belong to the SAND DOLLARS."
Dr. Thorpe: Everyone needs something to work toward, even the ridiculously destitute. "Two more weeks, man, and these pants are mine, then I can just cut loose and live like a king without all these fuckin' payments chippin' away at me. I'm gonna have an extra egg at breakfast every day, just you wait."
Zack: "It's going to be great. I'll be able to afford to put a piece of hard candy on layaway."
Dr. Thorpe: "I might even pick up that lemon I had my eye on at the rent-to-own shop."
Zack: If you're so poor you need to put a tank top on layaway you might as well be fashioning your own clothing out of animal hides. Of course that would mean poaching the queen's deer and no one wants a run-in with the Sheriff of Nottingham Beach.
Dr. Thorpe: It would be fun to hang out with these guys, because to them a ten dollar bill is like a suitcase full of money. "Holy shit, put that thing away! Where'd you get that? Do you work for the mob?"
Zack: "A whole pizza? Did you win the lottery or something?"
Dr. Thorpe: "Did you hear about Tom? He robbed a bank, and the cops caught him when he got too audacious and walked into Sears and bought a shoe. With cash."
Zack: "I wish I could throw around that kind of money. I refinanced my socks in the hopes of having enough money to buy a head of cabbage."
Dr. Thorpe: "With shoelace prices like these, how will I ever afford to put my kids through puberty?"
