It's payback time for all the things you've tweeted, failed one-term congressman Joe Walsh. The America that exists only in your paranoid mind is coming after you, Joe.
The black teen thugs are climbing over the log walls of your frontier fort with their hatchets and their loose cigarettes. Jackbooted thugs are going to kick in the door of your talk radio studio and take the guns you buy instead of paying child support. They want your guns, Joe. The ones that prove you have a super big penis and you know how to give sex good to women.
All the thug types are here. The gay thugs, the liberal thugs, the thugs without any bones that can come out of your toilet and bite your balls while you're shitting; they're all here for you, Bad Congressman Joe. What are your deepest fears? Easy. We can plunge into the open book of your nightmares.
Obama is letting all of the Muslims into the country, Joe. The ones from Sweden. You know the ones, because you tweet about them all the time. The bad sex Muslims. Here they come, because of what you tweeted. They are after two things: white girls and you, Joe.
Want to reap a whirlwind? The black on black crimes you are so concerned with are suddenly ending and all of the very real wild eyed black drug men who just want crimes have sworn to direct their aggression at talk radio hosts exclusively. It's like a midnight basketball league. Keep them off the streets, right, Joe? Because we've gotta end this black on black crime before we can even talk about anything else.
An entire mob of people is going to not be 100% respectful of the flag in front of you. They do not know how to handle the flag. They're going to walk on it and roll around on it and change poopy flag diapers their babies are wearing. You're going to have to listen to them say stuff like, "Dang the flag is dumb. I like the USSR flag." They won't be wearing flag t-shirts, because those are okay, but they might be throwing a middle finger or two at that red, white, and blue. One of them is wearing a Che Guevara shirt, Joe. Can you believe it?
Those gays, Joe. They're coming after you the most since they are one of your favorite subjects. They're not just going to make you let them marry, Joe, they're going to kiss and touch butts right in front of you. The bad butt touch, too, not the good, baseball buds butt touch. The real bad butt touch.
Oh, and in this nightmare, Joe, nobody is talking about radical Islam. We won't do it, Joe. It's illegal to say "radical Islam" or "Muslim terrorist" and we are replacing every gun store with a mosque. This is because of what you've done, Joe. All the bad tweets. All the deleted tweets that we saw. You know, the ones that are good, but you deleted them for some reason anyway.
Because you're afraid of America coming for you.
Lean in close to your screen. Inhale deeply. Does this guide give off a cloyingly sour odor? Then it is likely the genuine article.
Your guide to the main subreddits that there are.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.